Painful Indulgence

Ok, well it's the boyfriend's birthday in two weeks and I finally got his birthday list. Amongst items such as an Audi R8 (v10 not v8 I am told) were 'shorts'. Now, shorts can be many things. First of all there is the colour, does he want something light for summer or dark for more everyday easy wear? Then material... does he want cotton or linen, when will he be wearing them? How hot does he get? Which material feels smoothest against his skin? Then we have length, does he want it schoolboy/ boyscout above the knee or below the knee? Well, I was stumped, so upon further questioning I managed to extract from him the following criteria : 
'Nice'. 
That was it. He wants a nice pair of shorts. Well, all that was left to do was to get browsing and let my imagination run wild.
Now, do not worry avid readers, I have not broken my lent challenge. My challenge is specifically not to browse or shop for clothes for myself. Shopping for someone else is a completely different matter. Unfortunately, most shops are unisex, so as I have been clicking onto homepages I keep getting a flash of 'what could be', glimpses of bright spring florals and large swathes of red proclaiming SALE!. But no, I carry on and begrudgingly click on the 'men's' section of each site and trawl through pages of nice and quite a few particularly un-nice pairs of men's shorts. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a pair of cream killer heels that made my heart beat faster, but I carried on. 


Although I feel like I have somewhat indulged my browsing urges, the indulgence is painful and bitter-sweet. I know that I will never own these items, and they would never make me look like some kind of covergirl, because these clothes are not for me. Although I can imagine my boyfriend's excitement as he opens his present, his excitement would not be as great as mine to receive a beautiful item of clothing. His clothes end up crumpled in his washing basket, or on his chair or in a kit- bag for weeks on end before they are washed and thrown into a drawer. The browsing for someone else feels slightly empty, and the temptation to click women's instead is so strong. But, I can't stop now... my quest continues to find the 'nice' shorts. 

Window Shopping

The Weekend: 

Well, so far so good. I've avoided the temptations of typing in 'topshop' and 'motel' into my browser bar although..
                                       I went to my boyfriends this weekend and on my way to the cinema I had to walk past the most beautiful shop window displays I had ever seen. I was told by a certain housemate that it was 'the second look' that was cheating. So I must admit to several extensive first looks at a couple of dresses- I even couldn't help staring into a men's suit shop. I think that I was hoping that a mannequin would jump through the glass like some celestial being and present me with free clothes - I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be against the rules. Anyway, after my window shopping experience the rules for my task have been slightly amended- I can look in shop windows otherwise I'd have to end up wearing blinkers- but no stopping and staring is to be permitted. 

Today:

Walking home from a lecture today I noticed that the blossom on the trees has started to emerge which instead of making me think 'spring is here' the first thought that popped into my head was that the summer ranges would soon be out in the shops. Gorgeous light, soft dresses, glistening sandals to complement that pedicure, sunglasses, ridiculous hats that you buy every year and never wear... bikinis!! I own about fifty bikinis and yet still I want more - I think I'm still looking for the style that somehow makes me look like a 6 foot bronzed supermodel goddess. I'm just hoping it doesn't get too warm before the term is out- my summer wardrobe is at home and I don't want to be forced into shopping- A woman cannot live in jumpers alone! 

The First Confession

This year for lent my house mates and I decided to set each other some challenges based on our supposed 'addictions'. For example, one must give up snacking, another swearing, drinking, going on reddit...  and you get the idea. Now, to be fair, apart from maybe the snacking one I thought to myself that I could probably quite easily give up what the others had to for only forty days and forty nights so, I felt pretty prepared for an easy ride. Little did I know what my friends were plotting in their twisted minds. As soon as the words hit me I was dumbstruck- 
                 'Give up shopping'
not only this, I have to give up browsing too! That means no looking at clothing websites, no flicking through fashion magazines, no wandering through shops marveling at shoes and dresses I know I could never afford, feeling the soft touch of silk, the smooth curve of a stilleto. That has all gone. Forty days and forty nights stuck with the same old clothes, forty days and forty nights without the excitement of seeing the dress you never even know you needed popping up on the 'what's new' page.  


But, my challenge has been set, and I know that I can't be the first to fail in my house. So, I prepared. Two days before pancake day I went for my last shop. Returning only with a beautiful white bow headband which I'd been looking at anyway for a while- therefore I knew I had to have it- plus they had student discount! I then bought a shirt- I'd been needing one anyway as I'd worn my other shirts quite a few times already. Then, two flowery blouses as it was getting hotter and I needed some transition pieces. So, all sensible purchases I felt- nothing that showed the signs of someone obsessed with shopping. But, that was it, my last purchases for forty days and nights. 


Yesterday was pancake day, the time was drawing near. I painfully had to remove topshop from my facebook news feed, hand trembing as I pressed the button, knowing that no longer would little rays of shunshine pop into my world suggesting I buy this 'hot new playsuit'. My newsfeed is now left full of dull and meaningless status updates 'OMG so drunk last night'.

So the pancakes came and went, I indulged myself one last time, flicking through cosmo, lusting over a pair of shoes that I found out were 'a mere' £595. Then the clock struck midnight and that was it. My ties with the fashion world have been cut. I've been left dangling in mid-air. Nothing I wear from now on will be new, crisp, exciting. No more compliments on 'that bag', no more moments when you flick onto the website and see that the dress you needed for months is now half price, and your heart soars, your pulse races and it feels like falling in love.

So, today is the first day of my challange, it's 11.11 and it's been going well so far. Nothing in my news feed, no magazines or websites, just a fashionless void. Looking through facebook photos of a friend I noticed she was wearing a new pair of shorts and a pang of jealousy struck. I believe they are the paper bag shorts in camel from topshop- but for forty days and forty nights... I just can't be sure...